


Deal's Off

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:51:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian realizes that he made a certain decision without fully thinking it through. Takes place during 202.





	Deal's Off

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It was a routine that Brian could go through without conscious thought. He merely went through the motions of getting ready for work like he had countless times before. Pick a suit from his extensive wardrobe. Shower. Apply various creams and moisturizers. Shave. Blow dry and mousse his hair. Get dressed. Drink a glass of guava juice. Leave for the diner to have lunch with the guys. 

This routine was one that he was quite comfortable with. It hadn’t changed much in the past seven years and wouldn’t be changing for quite some time if Brian had anything to say about it. Which he did. 

Of course, there were times when he enjoyed having his routine altered. The times when Justin would spend the night. Those mornings, more often than not, ended with him skipping breakfast with the guys because he and the teen would spend too much time in the shower. Even though he was a creature of habit, Brian always enjoyed his mornings with Justin more than his mornings alone. 

Which was why he hated himself for making that promise to Jennifer. He shouldn’t have given up Justin so easily. Brian had regretted it as soon as he’d given up the tennis ball. He’d had a huge urge to rip the tennis ball from her hand and shout for Justin. But he hadn’t. Instead, he had turned and left. Shutting Justin out of his life once and for all. 

The three quick raps on his front door were something that Brian wasn’t expecting. It wasn’t Michael, that much he knew. The other man would have simply walked in without bothering to knock. 

“Brian!” 

Before he could react, Justin had knocked again. Pretending that he wasn’t home would have been pointless. Not only did the teen know his routine, but his Jeep was parked out front. 

“Brian!” 

Pursing his lips, Brian approached the metal sliding door. Adopting an air of indifference, Brian mentally prepared him to push Justin away. It wasn’t something that he wanted to do, instead it was something that he had to do. Because he had done the right thing and promised Jennifer that he would stay away from her son. Let him have a chance at being a normal kid again. 

Then he opened the door and came face to face with Justin. 

The teen let out a relieved sigh, a smile lighting his features. “I’m glad it’s you.” 

Quelling his instinctive urge to touch Justin, Brian glared at the younger man. “Who else would it be?” 

However, Justin wasn’t deterred in the least. Not that Brian had expected him to be. The kid was persistent as hell so Brian wasn’t the least bit surprised when Justin tried to push his way past him. He couldn’t let him in, though. If Brian let him in, he knew that there was no way he would be able to let him go again. 

So Brian moved his body to prevent Justin entering the loft, an indifferent smirk appearing on his face. “Where do you think you’re going?” 

“In,” Justin said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Which it would have been until the previous afternoon. Justin had become such a familiar part of his life that he almost expected the younger man to be there whenever he turned around. 

“Did I say you could?” Brian demanded when he would have rather just moved aside and let Justin in. 

“Don’t give me any shit, all right,” Justin said, pointing a finger at him. “I nearly freaked out five times just getting here.” 

The only problem with that statement was that Brian knew Justin wasn’t merely being a drama princess. After having seen him cowering in the corner at Woody’s that night, Brian knew full well just how potent Justin’s anxiety attacks were. It took a lot of guts for the teen to traverse that distance that separated Tremont street from his own homeland of suburbia. 

Which was why it physically hurt for Brian to say the next words that came to his mouth. “Well then you’re just going to have to freak out five more times getting home.” 

It didn’t help matters much that Justin looked like he’d been punched in the gut. “But I wanna see you.” 

“Well you can’t. Okay,” Brian ground out. That look on Justin’s face wasn’t helping his resolve either. 

“Why not?” Justin asked, attempting to hide his hurt and failing miserably until a sudden grip appeared on his face. “Are you fucking some guy?” 

Brian knew that the teen was grasping at straws, trying to figure out some way to explain the change in his attitude. It was, after all, a vast change from the previous afternoon when Brian had been sitting on the front porch of Jennifer Taylor’s condo, helping Justin with his physical therapy homework. Brian’s attitude had become an enforced reality now that Jennifer had forbidden him from her son. 

Keeping up his unapproachable facade, Brian practically growled, “None of your fucking business.” 

For the first time since Justin had appeared on his doorstep, the two men’s eyes met. Brian knew that it was mistake the moment it happened. Justin knew him well enough to be able to determine the extent of Brian’s emotions simply by looking at his eyes. The ad exec had been caught in lies on more than one occasion because he had been unable to keep his thoughts from his eyes. 

Knowing that this time would be no different, Brian began to slide the massive door shut. “Now go away,” he mumbled, lowering his gaze from Justin’s as he shut the door the rest of the way. 

Brian dropped his head against the door as he heard Justin pounding against the door once again. He tried to turn away from the door and finish his morning routine so he could leave for work, but he couldn’t move. Brian felt as though he were frozen in place. 

“But why?” Justin shouted through the metal that separated them. “Why?” 

“I wish that I knew,” Brian whispered to himself, hating Jennifer Taylor more than he had ever hated another person. 

Brian had just about gathered the will to turn away from the door when he decided that he wasn’t going to let someone else dictate what he did or who he saw. If Justin wanted to see him, he wasn’t going to stop the teen. Justin was a big boy and could make his own decisions. So Brian reached for the handle once again and pulled the door open. 

And came face to face with the teary-eyed artist. 

“That wasn’t fucking funny,” Justin mumbled as he wound his arms about Brian’s neck. 

Brian allowed his own arms to slide around Justin’s waist, holding the shaken teen against him. He was furious with himself for almost having given in to the over-protective mother’s demands. It wasn’t up to her to decide how Justin lived his life. Justin knew who he was and who he wanted to become. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be,” Brian said quietly against the side of Justin’s head. “It was supposed to get you to go away.” 

Justin pulled back immediately, staring up into Brian’s face. “Wha... what are you talking about?” he stammered, his confusion evident on his face. “Why would you do something like that? I thought... I thought you were going to stop running away. Did you change your mind? Decide that you didn’t want some damaged twink with a gimp hand?” 

“Hey,” Brian said sternly, unconsciously holding Justin a little tighter. He wasn’t going to let Justin think that he had something to do with his actions. “You know that’s not true. You know why I stayed away before.” 

Justin furrowed his brows, sliding his left hand up into the ad exec’s hair. “But I told you that I don’t blame you for what happened. I never did.” 

“Yeah, well not everyone shares your opinion,” Brian said quietly, slipping free of the teen’s grasp and reached behind him to shut the loft’s door. 

“I thought you didn’t care what other people thought,” Justin attempted as Brian moved past him and into the kitchen. 

Brian shrugged his shoulders, yanking open the fridge door in search of a bottle of water. “Sometimes you don’t have a choice.” 

“What did my mother say to you?” the blonde demanded, joining Brian in the kitchen. 

“Insightful little twink, aren’t you?” Brian snorted, deciding against the water and closing the fridge door. 

Justin attempted a smile. “I’ve known my mother for eighteen years. I think I would have learned her tricks by now. Besides, she has no right to try and separate us.” As he spoke, Justin’s voice was slowly increasing in volume. “She can’t make a decision like that. It’s my life not hers!” 

Justin’s anger caught Brian completely off guard. Not so much the emotion itself, but the fact that Justin was switching so rapidly between them. Even when she had been pregnant, Lindsay hadn’t gone through such violent mood swings. It freaked Brian out and at first he wasn’t sure how to react. 

“She was just looking out for you,” was definitely not the right choice. 

“She had no right!” Justin roared, lashing out and knocking a glass from the counter. Stomping away, Justin continued to take his anger out on a stool on the other side of the counter, upending each. 

Reacting instinctively, Brian rounded the counter only to be nearly pelted by another glass. “Maybe she’s just trying make things normal again,” he attempted, doing his best to ignore his own rising anger. 

“Well guess what, it’s too late,” Justin shouted, his anger giving way to anguish very quickly. “Things are never gonna be the same again.” 

“Jusitn, you don’t--” 

“My life is fucked,” the artist stated emphatically, squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them again, they were glassy with unshed tears and he sounded utterly defeated. “Chris Hobbs saw to that. He should have fucking killed me.” 

Stepping over the debris that littered the floor between them, Brian gathered Justin into his arms. “Your life is not fucked, Justin,” he murmured in the teen’s ear. “It’s not. You’re stronger than that, Justin.” 

“No I’m not,” Justin whimpered, burying his face against Brian’s chest. “I’m just so tired and I’m so sick of fighting. I just want to feel normal again. Why is that so hard for everyone to understand?” 

“What makes you feel normal?” 

Justin relaxed slightly, the white knuckle grip he had on Brian’s shirt loosening. “Being with you. I feel safe with you and I don’t freak out.” 

“Then you can see me whenever you want,” Brian murmured against the top of Justin’s bright head. “I’m not gonna stop you. Now why don’t you go lie down while I clean this up.” 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry about that, Brian,” Justin apologized, sliding out of Brian’s arms. He inspected the carnage as though seeing it for the first time. 

Even though he would have normally been furious with Justin for the destruction he had caused in his loft, all that Brian was concerned about was Justin himself. He had learned from the nurses at the hospital that the teen’s emotions were a little out of whack, but this was the first time Brian had witnessed it for himself. It was almost frightening witnessing the violence of Justin’s mood swings. 

“Don’t worry about it, Justin,” Brian said as he guided Justin from the wreckage. “It’s not that bad. ‘Sides, you look exhausted and should probably lie down for a bit.” 

They had just about reached the steps leading up to Brian’s bedroom when Justin suddenly came to a stop. “You have to go to work. I shouldn’t be here.” 

He started to turn away, but Brian caught him about the shoulders and steered him back towards the steps. “I’ll call Cynthia and let her know that I won’t be in today. I could use a sick day. It’s been a long time since I took a day off for myself.” 

“I don’t mean to cause any trouble... I just... I wanted to see you,” Justin said as he allowed Brain to lead him towards the bed. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Brian promised, pulling Justin into his arms just before dropping down onto the bed. 

Brian held himself still as Justin cuddled up against him. He would never admit it out loud, but Brian really did enjoy lying curled up with Justin. They didn’t have to speak or do anything but lie there breathing the same air. It was one of the few times that Brian actually felt relaxed. 

Not speaking, Brian ran one hand up and down Justin’s back while his other one played with the short hairs at the nape of the teen’s neck. He could tell that Justin was struggling to stay awake and that he was quickly losing the battle. Brian couldn’t help but smile as he watched Justin blink rapidly in an attempt to stay awake. It was useless, though, because Justin feel asleep even as he was sliding his left hand up Brian’s back. 

Once he was sure that Justin was asleep, Brian removed his hand from Justin’s back and began tracing the younger man’s features. It was a guilty pleasure that he normally indulged in late at night when he couldn’t sleep. 

It was several long minutes before Brian was able to tear himself away from Justin. He would have stayed curled around Justin indefinitely had he not needed to make a few phone calls. Unfortunately, they weren’t ones that could wait so he slid slowly off the bed, watching over Justin for a few moments to make sure that he didn’t awaken. After the emotional roller coaster he had been on that morning, Justin needed the rest. 

“You’re playing hookie,” Cynthia said as soon as she heard Brian’s voice on the phone. “Do I get to know why you’re playing hookie when you haven’t taken a personal day in about two years?” 

Despite himself, Brian grinned. “No, you don’t. Just let Ryder know that I won’t be in today. Bye, Cynthia.” 

“Bye, Brian,” Cynthia said just before hanging up the phone. 

The next call was not one that Brian was looking forward to making. He knew that he would have to keep his temper in check while talking to Jennifer Taylor and wasn’t sure if he would be able to do that after what had happened that morning. Brian had agreed to stop seeing Justin fully believing that she was right and that it would be what was best for the teen. Now Brian knew that it was anything but true. Justin’s frantic behaviour in the loft proved just how wrong Jennifer was. 

Brian was almost relieved when he got an answer machine. 

“This is the Taylor residence,” Jennifer’s voice said over the machine in a very refined tone. “Justin, Molly and myself are not here to take your call so please leave a message after the tone and we will get back to you as soon as possible.” 

BEEP! 

“The fucking deal’s off,” Brian growled into the phone. “Justin can see me whenever he wants. I’m not gonna stop him and neither are you.” 

Turning off the phone, Brian tossed it onto the couch before making his way back into the kitchen. The only plans he had was to reasonably clean up the remnants of Justin’s earlier rage before joining the younger man in oblivion. He wasn’t ready to process everything that had happened yet. Mainly because he wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. One minute he’d been telling Justin to go away the next he was trying to keep Justin from self destructing. It had been one hell of a morning that Brian had no intentions of repeating ever again. 

The mess in the kitchen was nowhere near as bad as it had appeared once Brian began to pick it up. It was only a couple broken glasses and a few up-ended chairs. It was Justin’s over-loaded emotions that had made it look that much worse. 

As he as was busy cleaning up the mess, Brian was already making plans to talk to the shrink that he had fucked a few times. Brian honestly had no clue what he was going to do to help Justin. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just wave his hand and pretend that everything was all right. It simply wasn’t that easy. Justin was far from being all right and Brian needed to figure out some way to help him. 

Brian moaned when he heard the knocking on his door just as he was making his way to the bedroom. Right away he knew who it was. Dropping his head, Brian trudged towards the front door. If he thought for one moment that Justin’s mother would go away if he just didn’t answer the door, Brian would have done just that. But he knew better. Jennifer wouldn’t go away until he answered the door. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Brian grumbled as he slid the door open. 

“Where’s my son?” Jennifer demanded, glancing over Brian’s shoulder into the loft. “If I had known that he was going to come here, I wouldn’t have let him go out this morning.” 

Squelching his anger, Brian turned and headed deeper into his home. “He’s sleeping right now so you might want to keep it down.” 

“What did you do to my son?” Jennifer demanded, stalking in after him. 

Brian smirked as he made his way over to his desk. “I didn’t do anything to him,” Brian informed her while he searched through the papers on the top of his desk for the shrink’s card. “Justin came here looking for me so I let him in.” 

“You should have told him to go away.” 

“Please tell me that you’re kidding,” Brian growled, glancing at her over his shoulder. 

“I’m his mother, I only want him safe,” Jennifer protested. “I want what’s best for Justin.” 

Finding the business card, Brian shoved it into his pocket before whirling around on the angry mother. “And of course you know just what’s best for him. You know everything he needs.... If that’s true, why was he freaking out when he found that you didn’t want him to see me anymore? Didn’t tell him that one, did you? I wonder why.” 

“It’s for his own good,” Jennifer insisted, glaring at Brian. “He just doesn’t know that yet.” 

“Have you asked Justin what he wants?” Brian asked, actually curious about what her answer would be. “This is happening to him, after all, and not you. It should be up to Justin who he does and doesn’t see.” 

It was obvious that Jennifer didn’t like the turn the conversation had turned. Her face was flushing and Brian knew that it was only a matter of time before her rage erupted. However, unlike Justin’s earlier explosion, Brian wasn’t going to do anything to keep his temper in check. As far as he was concerned, Jennifer Taylor had brought this on herself. 

“I am just so sick of feeling so helpless where Justin’s concerned,” she lamented, trying for pity. “My son shows almost no emotions to anyone except when he angry or wakes up screaming from nightmares. And he won’t even let me touch him or comfort him. I just want Justin back the way he was. I want to be able to do something for him. You don’t know what it’s like to feel helpless like I do, Brian. You don’t.” 

That had just about done it for Brian. He knew that Jennifer was upset about what had happened to Justin but he wasn’t going to allow her to make him into her own personal punching bag. 

“I don’t know what it’s like to feel helpless?” Brian asked incredulously, pursing his lips. Running a hand over his mouth, he laid into her, letting loose everything that he had been holding in since that night in the parking garage. “Did you see Hobbs sneaking up behind Justin with that baseball bat? Did you call out to warn him only to realize that it was too late? Did you have to see the look on Justin’s face-- that beautiful smile --just before the bat cracked his skull? Or were you there, crouching over him on the cold concrete, protecting him from anyone else who could hurt him even as you watched his blood spill out onto the ground all the while praying to any higher power that would listen to keep him alive because you didn’t know what you would do if he died? Now I will give you some credit. You did have to suffer like everyone else while we waited for Justin to come out of the coma. But you weren’t there every night after that. When most people were asleep, you weren’t standing in a sterile hallway watching over him as he slept. Hearing him call your name and knowing that there was nothing you could do. So don’t fucking tell me that I don’t know what it’s like to feel helpless because I do. More than you can imagine.” 

That shocked Jennifer into silence. She stood before Brian, her face a sickly white, staring at him. Brian knew that his words had hit her just as painfully as a physical blow would have. Only Brian couldn’t bring himself to care how she was feeling at that moment. In his mind, he was replaying those endless seconds in the parking garage just before Hobbs had nearly taken Justin away from all of them. 

“I want Justin happy,” Jennifer said after a while, her voice barely above a whisper. 

“That’s what I’m trying to do. I want Justin happy just as much as you,” Brian told her, much more calm and in control of his emotions. 

With a curt nod, Jennifer turned and exited the loft. Brian knew that he should probably call her back in and apologize to her. What he had said to her had been cruel and, in hindsight, he knew that he shouldn’t have said it. But it had needed to be said. Jennifer needed to realize that there were other people who cared about Justin. Possibly even more than she did. 

However, since he didn’t have the energy to deal with the mother any longer, Brian locked the door and set the alarm. All that he wanted was to lie down and fall asleep with Justin wrapped in his arms. Pausing at the foot of the bed only long enough to remove his shoes and socks, Brian crawled in beside the blonde artist who was sprawled on his stomach. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were at the hospital every night?” Justin mumbled, startling Brian who had thought the teen was asleep. 

Holding himself up on his elbows, Brian stared down at the dark blue duvet. He had hoped that Justin hadn’t heard what he had said to the teen’s mother. Of course, with the morning he’d been having, Brian should have expected it. 

“I had to make sure you were still there. Still breathing,” Brian said quietly, his eyes never straying from the duvet. 

Rolling onto his back, Justin slid himself under Brian’s upper body. “I’m still here. I’m still breathing. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Yes, you are,” Brian told him, snuggling himself down on top of the smaller man. He rested his head on Justin’s chest, listening to the regular thumping of his heart. “You’re going to sleep. Just like me.” 

Justin’s chest jerked as he laughed silently. “You’re lucky I’m a teenager and enjoy sleeping so much. I still wish that you would have come to the hospital. I missed you.” 

“I missed you too. Now go to sleep, I’m tired,” Brian yawned, rubbing the side of his face against Justin’s chest. 

“Thank you for not making me go away,” Justin murmured, delaying Brian’s attempt to go to sleep once again. 

Raising his upper body once again, Brian positioned his face directly above Justin’s. “Go. To. Sleep.” 

“But--” 

Brian covered the short distance that separated them, capturing Justin’s lips with his own. Remembering exactly what type of kiss would turn the teen in a boneless heap, Brian kept the kiss very soft and tender, barely exerting any pressure. Within seconds he had Justin whimpering and Brian knew that he had won. 

“Now,” was all that he said before lowering his head back onto Justin’s chest. When he felt Justin’s arms wrap around him, Brian knew that it was safe to let his guard down and go to sleep. 

He knew that he was going to need it now that Justin was back in his life full time.


End file.
